*DISCLAIMER: I wrote this when I VERY MUCH ACCIDENTALLY got drunk at WeWork on a Tuesday night because I had no idea the Kombucha was alcoholic
I, at one point or another, have made one million and five excuses for a guy that was clearly just NOT that interested in making any effort with me. If I didn’t hear from him all weekend I would think, “Oh, he’s shy and isn’t feeling confident enough to introduce me to his friends.” Or, if he didn’t open up about his life at all to me, I would justify it by thinking, “He’s sooooo private, it’s so cute, all he needs is a girl like me to make him feel comfortable enough to talk about himself.” Hahahahahaha.
How nice for everyone that I like to give the benefit of the doubt!!! I think giving the benefit of the doubt is okay at first, but we always know deep down in our gut when things feel off. I want to give some relationship advice and list out a few specific things that I think are reason enough to totally call it off (and NOT give the benefit of the doubt): *PS this is about dudes because that is who I date!
Every girl before she meets a guy she even kinda likes
He doesn’t make plans in advance
We’re all busy AF (especially in NY), but if you aren’t at least 80% sure that you’ll see him again, and see him again soon, then I think you can confidently say he isn’t interested in prioritizing you or making you guys a “thing.” People make time for the things they care about. Period. I know for me, I don’t even always like making set plans, because who knows what mood I’ll be in once the time comes, buuut I still like there to be a “Let’s talk next week and figure it out,” or, “I’ll keep you posted on my plans this weekend.” Ya feel?
He drops “breadcrumbs”
I got this term from blogger Grace Atwood of The Stripe (and she might’ve been quoting Jared Freid, actually). But anyway, this is when a guy essentially leads you on by saying things like, “Yeah, I’ll be out Friday night, text me and see where I’m at,” but then never actually follows through or answers your texts to confirm. He’ll wake up Saturday morning and text you apologizing, saying he got too drunk and then last minute ask you out for drinks on Thursday because that’s what’s convenient for him. He doesn’t want to cut you off, so he’ll drop “breadcrumbs” here and there to keep you interested. But, at the end of the day, he’ll never put in any real effort or be what you want.
He plays dumb
It’s funny – (most) guys HATE being labeled the asshole, though they have no problem acting like one. So, they will literally play dumb like a child to avoid admitting that they knew they were being selfish. If you call them out on their (obviously rude) behavior, and they in turn act suuuuuper apologetic and cute, and say things like, “Wow I’m so sorry that hurt your feelings,” then that is manipulative and makes us feel crazy for feeling badly about a situation that was CLEARLY shitty. Here’s some real relationship advice: I think we need to give guys more credit – they aren’t as “dumb” as a lot of girls claim they are. They are perfectly capable humans just like us, and they will for sureee step up if they want a girl to take them seriously.
Guy passed out, girl making 100 justifications for why he didn’t care enough to wait up for her
His words don’t match his actions
I’ve had a lot of guys act like they were super into me when we were together. However, at the end of the day, this is irrelevant if actually seeing the guy/going on an actual date is as much of a struggle as herding cattle (not that I’ve ever actually herded cattle but w/e). If he says he really likes you, but doesn’t prove this with his actions, then you have everything you need to know.
He only texts late night
Do I even need to explain this one.
xoxoxo I hope I scared literally every guy ever off with this relationship advice.