There’s no better way to pay tribute to my lifeblood of reality TV than to write about it and its most toxic relationships. I know I’m not married/in a relationship/know nothing blah blah blah, but if we aren’t going to place judgment on reality TV stars’ relationships then what’s the point? So here we go:
Jax Taylor and Stassi Schroeder, Vanderpump Rules – BROKEN UP
Wow, I miss vintage Vanderpump Rules. Jax was (is?) actually a sociopath, and though he and Stassi had some kind of connection, they were truly oil and water at the end of the day.
I mean I don’t really know where to start. I guess let’s start with a list of all the fucked up shit Jax did to Stassi:
- Hooked up with her best friend Kristin
- Cheated on her in Vegas and got a girl pregnant
Okay, those are kind of the only two tangible ACTIONS I can remember (but believe me I’d be watching Season 1 VPR if it was on-demand) that he did to hurt her, but it was mostly the heavy drinking which led to all the yelling and childish antics that made the relationship so dysfunctional, I think (Dr. Sydney!). Stassi was always yelling at Jax for being a mess and Jax thus became…more of a mess. TG they finally broke up and are now doing great (well at least Stassi is, I’m not holding my breath on Jax and Brittany – but who is?).
Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula, Summer House – STILL TOGETHER
I feel like I’m going to run into these two around the city one day and therefore kind of already regret including them in this, but I literally can’t write this article without mentioning them as they were my inspiration. For those that don’t watch Summer House (aka most people that are not me), Kyle is 36(ish?) and Amanda is 27. I think Amanda definitely thought Kyle was ‘cool’ when they started dating, plus he used to be really hot, but I’m not sure why she’s still hanging around. And by hanging around, I mean engaged AND working together.
Kyle frequently gets blackout drunk, has cheated on Amanda (with the excuse being that he’s drunk), and has consistently proven to not be ready for a real relationship. They now live together and are apparently totally incompatible. Like, have TOTALLY different work ethics and Amanda doesn’t even want to have sex with him anymore. Losing your sex drive before you’re even married is NOT a good sign (at least that’s what my mom told me, lolz). They are just pathetic and hanging on by a thread, and it’s literally freaking sad to watch because the statistics are not in their favor, my friends!
Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson, Keeping Up With The Kardashians – BROKEN UP
Do I even need to elaborate here? The cheating rumors. The Jordyn Woods scandal. Yeah, Tristan is trash. But, in the same vein, Khloe needs to stop dating athletes. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Khloe has unfortunately proven to be insane, then, and needs to find a businessman stat!
Nicole Williams and Larry English, WAGS – STILL TOGETHER
This show isn’t on anymore, and I feel like no one watched it, but #neverforget Nicole Williams and Larry English. He was so emotionally manipulative it was crazy.
She was the typical model trophy-wife, while he was the NFL football player. I remember he had this elaborate plan to propose to her in Thailand. Thailand is a hell of a trip and, of course, he didn’t have his phone on him while in transit. Nicole being Nicole freaked the fuck out by calling all his friends to see where he was, etc. If Larry KNEW his fiance at all, then he’d know she’d go ballistic if she didn’t hear from him (and most women might if their boyfriend went missing for 24+ hours?). So by the time he got to Thailand he was like, “well I was going to propose but now you’ve ruined it.” Omg, EVIL! Well, w/e because now they’re married and kind of deserve each other.
Shep Rose and [INSERT HERE], Southern Charm – WHO CARES
I had to include Shep as he’s completely ruined any good thing that’s ever come into his life. I mean not that he deserves anything good, but he’s literally pushing 40 and is still drunkenly (wow being drunk is surely a theme here) hooking up with 21 year-olds and then ghosting them/treating them like shit. He’s the worst.
Naomi Olindo and Craig Conover, Southern Charm – BROKEN UP
But the true Southern Charm dysfunction came from Naomi and Craig. Naomi is, like, a mature human with her shit together; while Craig was a boy trying to build a sewing business but not actually trying that hard at all. Naomi was in business school and would come home and Craig would literally be on the couch still sleeping at like 7 pm. So Naomi was always yelling at him for being lazy, and it was just funny how they were in SUCH different places in their lives, yet still living together. They were playing house, but in the end, they were totally incompatible.
Did I forget anyone? Let us know your thoughts!!!